And Zen What

Life in an orphanage, even a good orphanage, teaches some life skills we want our kids to UNlearn. Fast. Talents like being able to very subtly drive a sib totally nuts so that the sib gets in trouble and the instigator doesn't, for example.

Hiding food and forgetting where it is until that first telltale odor starts wafting through the family room.

Pretending to be petting the dog but really pinching its ear.

Being convinced down to the last inch of ground that any attention anywhere in the ambient air has GOT to go to ME ME ME and no one else or else.

Not accepting authority of any kind, ever.

Daunting stuff, and stuff we have to be aware of. But there can be more, so much more to a kid who has had to face each and every day of his short little life in an institution where the dedicated but overworked adult staff have so many many children's needs--physical, emotional, psychological--to meet and so little of the wherewithal to do so.

Take my Five, for example. He's an operator, a glad-hander, a "seize-the-day (and everything else you can get your hands on before someone notices)" kinda guy.

Five is 6 years old and in first grade. He goes to a wonderful school with a
mixed population--there are kids who are basically on a Life Skills kind
of track and there are kids (like Five) on an academic track and pretty
much everything in between.

One morning when I dropped Five off, I got into a conversation with one
of the staff at the school, who told me that Five was the best thing
that had ever happened to her, her student (she's a one-to-to one
educational aide), and the student's family.

The student is both fully blind and profoundly deaf. He has some other
problems too I think. Five met him last year. Five greets him every
day by gently taking his two hands and signing "hello" into them. Five
puts his arm around his waist and gently holds and hugs him. Five
brings him things and watches out for him--when he wants something and
Five is near him, it's Five who figures it out and helps him.

The aide told me that she heard Five explaining to one of the teachers
how to greet this student so that she'd get a response. The teacher
tried it and for the first time in over a year of trying, got a greeting
response from this boy.

There's more: the aide told me that since Five came into this student's
life, this student has actually started putting his arm around his
parents and his siblings and giving them greetings and taking their
hands. He had never done that before Five.

Anyone out there who's worried about adopting a "rough and tumble" older
boy (and believe me, Five has SO mastered that part of boyhood!)--don't
be afraid. These kids are stunning. They will knock your socks off,
knit you a new pair, and knock them off too.