And Zen What

Five,

Thank you for helping Jordan, when he was so upset about not having batteries for his head set. Your giving away your own batteries was so nice. You are such a joy to have on my bus.

You need to know that batteries are like gold around here. The kids hoard them, sneak them out of toys, accuse one another of "stealing" them. Five giving away batteries is roughly equivalent to Mom, MOM! giving away chocolate.

Fit to bust with pride, I told Five that he'd done a kind, caring thing and asked him why he hadn't told me all about it.

"I thought I'd get in trouble, Mom."

That's motherhood for you. A ta-da! moment of glorious pride in a child's accomplishment (empathy and generosity are quite advanced social skills not always achieved even by adulthood--just think back to your last traffic jam) followed swiftly by an intense examination of all the mistakes and sins against humanity you've committed in the last 17 minutes. They are always legion.

Why would he think he'd get in trouble? What kind of rotten mom am I anyway?

But that's making it about me, which is another way to lose your Mother of the Year award (again). And this entire story--from his comforting of the other child to his not wanting to tell me the whole story to his finallly finding out that he'd actually done a good thing in giving away his batteries (I have decided to overlook entirely the question of where he got them in the first place)--is all about Five.

There's a lot to sort out for a kid of 7, home 2 years--when is giving people stuff ok and when is it not? He's gotten talked to about trying to give other kids money, for example. When is touching people ok and when is it not? Good touching and bad touching are notions drummed into them at school and at home, but it's not as easy as the good/bad dichotomy suggests. He's gotten talked to about patting people's bottoms, which is the place a mis-aimed pat on the back by a short visually-impaired kid all too often lands. How much of an event can you leave out in your report to Mom and still not be lying? He's been talked to about all the different ways to lie and how it's always wrong, but you know that's another oversimplification. Just ask anyone who's ever answered the question, "Does this make me look fat?"

Motherhood--it looks great on Hallmark cards and in feel-good movies. The highs are stratospheric; the lows--well, they're, you know, low. Joys and responsibilities commingle with exasperation and triumph. And you'll never know if you are doing it "right," whatever that might mean, but you can be pretty darned sure that many people (friends, family, experts, your kids) will leap at any chance to make it clear that you are doing it wrong.

For some reason, some of us long for kids. I don't think there's a woman alive who can adequately explain how or why that happens. We just do. I don't have any idea if it's biological, cultural, or something in the water supply. What I do know is that kids do not come with user's manuals and mom-hood is a gift which arrives in a "batteries not included" package.

I also know this: sometimes, just when you need 'em, someone on the bus gives you theirs. And that's what keeps you going.

Thanks for the batteries, Five.