25 May 2006
hairy things
Three's hair is very very tightly curled. Very. I've learned to do some beginner-type stuff with it. She has a classical beauty and so almost anything I do looks good, luckily.
She's been wearing a short, neat 'fro for months now though because her scalp was too sensitive to tolerate the parts and the pulling even looser twists and braids require--she'd get big itchy bumps within a day or two.
Today is the last day of school. She wanted to look extra nice. She came out of her room with a lovely dress on. Then changed into regular kid clothes. Then came out of the bathroom having done a pretty sketchy job on her hair.
So I decided it'd be a good day for a half-do (braids and/or twists in the front, free in the back). One of my lists (the cross-cultural adoption one) has been having an exchange about racism lately, and it was on my mind, so I asked her as I was parting and detangling if she was happy school was ending, which friends she wants to invite to the movies in celebration of her 11th birthday, and, oh yeah, um, have any of her classmates been saying mean things to her?
The answer was not what I wanted to hear.
Yes.
Some kids say, says Three, "dat I am dumb and don't know anything." Some other kids say, "why would anybody want to play with me." Still other kids say, "dat Maddy is dumb because she like to play with me."
Want a quick definition of impotence? Have your child lay that one on you some morning.
I said what I could--they are the "dumb" ones, you are not "dumb," you've learned an entire language in less than two years and you know it better than they seem to, those kids wouldn't do nearly as well as you have if someone plopped them into Haiti all of a sudden, you are nice, you are beautiful, they are not worth your time or attention, tell a teacher if someone is bullying or teasing you, and yes there will always be people who will be stupid enough to think they don't like you because your skin is not the same color as theirs and there is not a damn thing I can do about it though boy howdy I'd sure like to.
And I had to add that even though it's not fair at all, she has to be more polite than these ill-educated, ill-mannered, nasty children because sometimes grownups aren't as smart as they ought to be either, and if she calls them names back sometimes the grownup in charge will hear only her name-calling and not the reason she did it.
Like "driving while black," "playing while black" requires some special instruction. I hope Three's scalp decides to tolerate hairdos from now on because we are going to be needing that time to talk about this and future situations ("dating while black," "competing in sports while black," "shopping while black," for starters).
May I just add that those kids are dumb, and I can't understand why anybody wants to play with them?????
She's been wearing a short, neat 'fro for months now though because her scalp was too sensitive to tolerate the parts and the pulling even looser twists and braids require--she'd get big itchy bumps within a day or two.
Today is the last day of school. She wanted to look extra nice. She came out of her room with a lovely dress on. Then changed into regular kid clothes. Then came out of the bathroom having done a pretty sketchy job on her hair.
So I decided it'd be a good day for a half-do (braids and/or twists in the front, free in the back). One of my lists (the cross-cultural adoption one) has been having an exchange about racism lately, and it was on my mind, so I asked her as I was parting and detangling if she was happy school was ending, which friends she wants to invite to the movies in celebration of her 11th birthday, and, oh yeah, um, have any of her classmates been saying mean things to her?
The answer was not what I wanted to hear.
Yes.
Some kids say, says Three, "dat I am dumb and don't know anything." Some other kids say, "why would anybody want to play with me." Still other kids say, "dat Maddy is dumb because she like to play with me."
Want a quick definition of impotence? Have your child lay that one on you some morning.
I said what I could--they are the "dumb" ones, you are not "dumb," you've learned an entire language in less than two years and you know it better than they seem to, those kids wouldn't do nearly as well as you have if someone plopped them into Haiti all of a sudden, you are nice, you are beautiful, they are not worth your time or attention, tell a teacher if someone is bullying or teasing you, and yes there will always be people who will be stupid enough to think they don't like you because your skin is not the same color as theirs and there is not a damn thing I can do about it though boy howdy I'd sure like to.
And I had to add that even though it's not fair at all, she has to be more polite than these ill-educated, ill-mannered, nasty children because sometimes grownups aren't as smart as they ought to be either, and if she calls them names back sometimes the grownup in charge will hear only her name-calling and not the reason she did it.
Like "driving while black," "playing while black" requires some special instruction. I hope Three's scalp decides to tolerate hairdos from now on because we are going to be needing that time to talk about this and future situations ("dating while black," "competing in sports while black," "shopping while black," for starters).
May I just add that those kids are dumb, and I can't understand why anybody wants to play with them?????
